I have been awake since 1:30 this morning; it is now 5:45. This is, by far, the WORST night's sleep (or lack thereof) since...ever! I'm absolutely exhausted, but nothing I try works to lull me back to sleep. I've tried switching beds and rooms (from my room to the guest double bed to the day bed to the couch to the chair); I've tried some of the relaxation exercises we learned in class (deep breathing, visualization); I've tried busying myself in the hopes that it would make me sleepy (reading, putzing around online)--and nothing, NOTHING has worked!! For everyone who says this is practice and preparation for motherhood, I say I'll take a late night feeding and raise you a 4 am diaper change because that would still be MORE sleep than I'm getting now!! I'm going crazy!
But, I have had a lot of time to think; therefore, you are now forced to read my random thoughts:
Things I'll Miss About Pregnancy:
Feeling and seeing my baby move in my belly
Feeling as though my body is the most important thing on the planet
Justifying nightly foot massages
Justifying eating anything at any time
Having people tell me, "Aww, you look adorable" even though I've gained 30 pounds
Gaining said pounds and feeling good about it
Feeling as though I'm never alone even when there's no one else in the room with "us"
The excitement and anticipation of what's to come
Playing the occasional "prego card" and asking for stupid favors, ie: I'm sitting two feet from the kitchen, but I ask Zach to get me water :o)
The glow everyone says I have...although, I tend to think it's just sweat
Realizing this is another "first" the fam, Zach, and me will never have the chance to experience again
The unexplainable calm and contentment that's washed over me ever since we conceived
Dreaming about or visualizing what I'll be doing and where I'll be when I go into labor
Imagining what Baby J. will look like--and hoping he/she has certain qualities of mine or Zach's
Like any rational woman, I've no choice but to acknowledge the things I can do without, so...
Things I Look Forward to After Pregnancy
SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP and MORE SLEEP (albeit intermittent, I'll TAKE IT)
My shoe collection!! (here's hoping all my loves still fit after this!!)
The sweet release on my poor hips, knees, and feet
Wearing my engagement and wedding rings again!
Not visiting the bathroom after taking 10 steps
Losing the weight that makes it difficult to move and/or breathe some days
Being able to tie my shoes, paint my toenails, shave my legs, etc. without assistance
People will stop assuming that I'm helpless because I'm pregnant
Sleeping on my stomach!!
Having a waist again--hopefully!
And of course, meeting and holding and loving my little Baby J.
About an hour and a half until my dad comes to get me for breakfast. Might as well get a shower...or maybe I'll just close my eyes and see what happens. Here's hoping!!
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