I went to visit some old pals at Valley High School this afternoon. I hadn't seen some of them since Brady was born and they've been begging me to take him in. It was so fabulous seeing happy, familiar faces, running into some of the students, catching up. There are some amazing educators and people in that building, and I really do miss them. Brady and I made our rounds and by the end of the day, there were about 10 of us in a room just chatting. Of course everyone asked about motherhood, how I was feeling, etc. Without even thinking about it, my automated response was, "I'm exhausted!" or "The past week or so has been rough." Sometimes I would add, "But it's worth it;" other times, I didn't. I didn't think about how ridiculous I sounded until I ran into 2 different people.
The first was a one of the PM custodians. She was always so good to me when I worked there, always smiling and happy. Then one day a few summers ago, her daughter--who had just graduated from VHS--was killed in a car accident. I went to the funeral and will never forget the emptiness in her eyes or what she said when I hugged her: "It hurts so bad." My heart broke for her back then, but now as a mom, I can't even imagine the pain she must have felt. Seeing her today and introducing her to my son was a little uncomfortable because I knew she couldn't have helped but remember her daughter.
The second familiar face I ran into was a former co-worker, a math teacher. He was so excited to see me that he dropped his bags and swept Brady out of my arms. We hugged and talked about parenthood and, as I did with everyone, shared how exhausted I was with him. He said he remembered those days, but suggested I cherish them because pretty soon I'll be in his shoes with a 10 and 12-year-old who want nothing to do with their parents. I smiled politely, thinking I must look awful with my messy hair and bags under my eyes, when he told me that he has cancer. He's already undergone one operation and has another one scheduled next week. He told me about the day he found out, how he's explaining it to his kids, and how he truly feels that God won't let him die without realizing one of his biggest dreams: to be a grandfather some day. He went on to say something that I myself have said many times: everything happens for a reason. It's easy to say (and believe) this as a healthy adult, but for a man who has had one kidney, lymph nodes, part of his lung, and a rib removed, I find it nothing short of inspiring. I had to hold back my tears as I listened to him. We hugged goodbye and went our separate ways: I to my home, he to the hospital.
I can't decide whether or not I'm selfish, stupid, or a little bit of both for needing both of those people to point out the obvious: I have it sooooo good. I am mortified that I answered "how are yous?" with such a stupid response as "Exhausted." I should have answered honestly and told everyone who asked: "I have an amazing family who loves and supports me, my husband is my best friend, my son is healthy and happy, my friends are amazing, and I have opportunities and privileges in my life that others only dream about." That's the truth.
I found a few more Sir Brady pics; figured you wouldn't mind looking at them :-)
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